Things My Wife Says

Everyday I call my wife while on my morning break. The kids and her are usually just starting their day and that phone call usually gives me a good indication of how our day is going to go. We talk about the plan for the day, cover any important developments, it’s basically a 20 minute management meeting every morning–I love it. Sometimes, however, the peasants that we refer to as “our children” revolt and Katie will randomly holler (technical term) commands at them. I only here what she says and sometimes I cannot contain my laughter as it feels like I am talking to someone with schizophrenia. Here are 10 examples–bear in mind that these often are said while I am in mid-sentence:

“Get that out of your mouth before you die from electricity!”
“Drop it. DROP IT. DROP IT NOW…pick it up.”
“We do not feed rocks to our brother!”
“Don’t put food in your diaper.”
“You don’t want to drink salad dressing.”
“Why are your underwear on the outside of your pants?!”
“Um…why are you standing on the kitchen table?”
“If you don’t sit down I am not letting you help me!”
“Alright Superman, put the car down so I can change your diaper.”
“Stop doing ballet in the shower and wash your hair.”

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2 thoughts on “Things My Wife Says

  1. Pingback: 10 Things I Never Thought I’d Say Volume 2 | The Hero Instinct

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