Christmas Prayer

Lord, I pray that you would give Katie and I peace about the many difficult issues and decisions we are facing for this coming year.
I know that you are in control of all things and that you promise that you will supply for all our needs, but sometimes it is hard to trust you. Especially when it feels like you have waited so long already and we feel as though we are still lacking.
 
Katie is having to work instead of being at home with Emmeline, my job pays very little but I have been unable to find a better job, my grad school is stressful, we do not always have as much money or time as we feel we need, and often we feel lost and lack direction.

But Lord we thank you for what we do have:

We have food on the table for every meal, we have money for Christmas when others have none, we have a good marriage and a happy family, we have people who love us and care about us–even if they are sometimes hard to get along with, we have an apartment that is not too big but big enough. We have a car with heat. We have jobs that pay our bills. We have been blessed with good educations that have made us better people.
 
Lord, most of all we have you! You are God, perfect and holy, and yet you came down to this earth, the earth that you created and man immediately set about destroying, and you were born as one of us! You weren't born at Vanderbilt like our daughter Emmeline, you were born in a dirty stall on the back side of a dingy little town in a small, insignificant corner of the world.
 
You weren't beautiful or handsome. You went through scraped knees, puberty, being rejected by friends, family, leaders, elders. You were misunderstood.  People hated you! They hated you, God.
But they couldn't see that you were here to save them, and we can't see it!
And because you didn't give them what they wanted when they wanted it, because you were trying to do something better than what they could ever imagine, they killed you.
They would rather have see you dead and have a raging murderer free, and so they let loose the murderer and killed you.  They hung you on a tree, you created trees.  They beat you with the their fists which you knit together in their mothers' wombs.  They spit on you and cursed you with lips created for your praise.  They hated you with hearts meant to hold your Spirit. God, above all men you were rejected and despised.  At any moment in the pain and anguish you could have made it go away, but you didn't.  Moreover, you suffered silently, without bitterness towards those who deserved your wrath, without hatred towards those whose sins you carried.  Though I angrily cry out at a driver who cuts me off in traffic, you cried out to God to forgive us!  Lord, my soul is black with sin, but you cover it with you blood and remember not the sin, but the pain of the cross and rejoice that I am yours.
 
Lord, I do not understand.  I cannot fathom your love, I cannot fathom your gift.  I have been a Christian for 18 years, and I am no closer to understanding why Christmas exists than I was as a child.  I know that you came and died for me, I know how you came and died for me, and intellectually I know why you came and died for me.  But God, why?
 
After all of your suffering, you did the most wonderful thing of all, you rose again.  Not only are my sins forgiven and my guilt washed away, I have a living Savior to cling to.  This prayer would be worthless if you were still in the grave.  All my hope in this world would be gone.  But my hope is not gone, though I am at war in my flesh.  There is great victory and hope at Christmas time.  It is when I remember that a little child was born who saved the world, and who saved even me. He saved the world that he created, but also the world that put him to death and denies him today.
 
Lord, we want some things, we want them so much, but Lord, keep your Spirit alive in us this Christmas, and this coming year. Don't let the things we want kill our faith in you. Don't let us forget that you have already given us everything we could ever need, you have given us yourself.
 
Amen.


Joshua B. Krebs
jbkrebs@gmail.com
www.heroinstinct.com

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